Host a Friendsgiving

A Friendsgiving is a Thanksgiving-style dinner with your friends instead of your family. It can be as small as four people around a coffee table or as big as a pushed-together row of tables. The idea is that nobody does all the work: you make the main, everyone else brings one dish, and it runs on good food and no rules.

Choose a date and a guest list

Pick an evening in November. A weekend before Thanksgiving week is the easy choice, because people are usually still in town and not yet travelling. Send the invite two or three weeks ahead, since everyone with classes or a job has a full calendar by then.

Keep the list to the number of people you can actually seat and feed. Six to ten is comfortable in most flats. More than that and you’ll need more tables, more oven space and a longer evening.

Make the sign-up

This is what keeps you from ending up with five desserts and no potatoes. In your group chat, post a short list with spaces to claim:

• Starters and snacks
• Sides (potatoes, vegetables, stuffing, bread)
• Desserts
• Drinks, including something without alcohol

You make the main. Ask every guest about allergies and dietary needs when you invite them, and ask people to bring their dish ready to serve, with their own serving spoon. Tell anyone who needs the oven to say so, because oven space is the one thing that can quietly ruin a dinner.

There’s no rule that says the main has to be a turkey.

Choose a main you can actually manage

You want something that feeds a crowd, holds well and doesn’t need you in the kitchen the whole time. Good options:

• A big pasta bake or lasagne, made ahead and baked when people arrive
• A roast chicken or two, or a turkey breast
• A pot of chili or a hearty stew with bread
• A tray of baked potatoes with toppings

If you do cook poultry, it’s safe once the thickest part reaches 165°F (74°C). Use a meat thermometer rather than guessing from the colour, and let the meat rest for a few minutes before carving. A turkey that’s still frozen needs days to thaw in the fridge, so plan that early.

Set up the space

Push tables together, borrow a folding table, or put a sheet or a long paper runner over everything so it looks like one table. For extra seats, use chairs, stools, floor cushions and a bench. You don’t need matching anything.

Make a place for dishes to land when guests arrive: a clear counter, a sideboard or a second table. Put out serving spoons, napkins and a few labels so people know what’s vegetarian or contains nuts. A few candles and a bowl of clementines or small pumpkins is plenty for decoration. Keep real flames away from paper and sleeves.

Set up a drinks corner so you aren’t pouring for everyone. If you serve alcohol, keep it to guests who are 21 or older in the US, and always have something good that isn’t alcoholic, such as hot cider or sparkling water with a slice of orange.

The plan for the evening

1. Do the shopping and any make-ahead cooking the day before.
2. On the day, get the main in the oven first so everyone arrives to a good smell.
3. Light the candles, put the music on and clear the surfaces about half an hour before the first guest.
4. Ask people to put dishes down and help themselves, or serve everything at the table, passed around.
5. Eat while it’s hot. After the meal, put the leftovers in the fridge within about two hours.

If someone offers to help with dishes, say yes.

Things that go wrong

• Too many cooks, not enough oven. Ask in advance and let people bring dishes that don’t need heating, such as salads, desserts and bread.
• Everything is ready at different times. Keep a low oven for holding food warm, and eat when the main is done, not when you’ve finished fussing.
• Not enough chairs. Count heads, then add two seats. Floor cushions at a coffee table are part of the charm.
• You’re stressed. Nobody will mind if the main is simple or a little late. They came to see each other.

Keep the tradition going

Some friend groups go around the table and say one thing they’re thankful for, which can be sweet or very funny. You can also leave a small notebook out for everyone to write a line in, then keep it and bring it out next year. It’s also a good place to try the dish you plan to cook for Thanksgiving, on friends who will forgive you.

Make it a fall evening

Open the windows for ten minutes before anyone arrives, then close them and let the room warm up. Put on a playlist, make a pot of hot cider for the door, and keep dinner going long after the plates are empty. The good part of Friendsgiving is the hours after the meal, when everyone is still at the table.