Write a thank-you note

A thank-you note is one of the smallest things you can do for someone, and one of the ones they remember. It takes about ten minutes. The only hard part is starting, so here’s a way to start.

Choose who to write to

Think of one person who made this year better. It doesn’t need to be a big thing. Some ideas:

• A friend who showed up when things were hard
• A teacher, professor or manager who helped you
• A family member who always helps and rarely hears about it
• Someone who gave you a gift or hosted you
• A neighbour, coworker or old classmate

If you can’t choose, pick the person you’d most like to hear from.

Gather what you need

A card or a piece of nice paper, a pen you like, an envelope and a stamp. If you’re mailing it, you need their address, so text them and ask for it. You can say it’s for a surprise. If you’ll see them in person, you can skip the stamp and hand it over.

Choose an uncluttered spot with a hot drink. Put your phone out of reach.

A simple structure

Five short parts, in this order:

1. Greet them by name. “Dear Maya,”
2. Say thank you. “Thank you for driving me to the airport at five in the morning.”
3. Be specific. Say what they did, when and how.
4. Say what it meant. What changed for you, or how you felt.
5. Close warmly. “I’m so glad you’re in my life. Love, Anna.”

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

Dear Maya, thank you for helping me move in September. I’d have been stuck with half my boxes if you hadn’t turned up with your car. It made a stressful week feel easy, and I haven’t forgotten it. I’m so glad you’re my friend. Love, Anna

That’s six sentences, and it would make anyone’s day.

Be specific

The one thing that separates a good note from a polite one is detail. “Thanks for everything” is kind but generic. “Thanks for staying on the phone with me the night before my exam” tells the person you noticed.

Ask yourself two questions:

• What exactly did they do?
• What would have been different without them?

Use the answers.

Things to avoid

• Don’t turn it into a request. A thank-you note is just a thank you.
• Don’t apologise for waiting. “Better late than never” is fine. A long apology takes attention from the thanks.
• Don’t overthink the words. A plain sentence that’s true is better than a fancy one that isn’t.
• Don’t compare. Skip “you’re the only one who…”. Just say what they did.
• Don’t rewrite it ten times. If you cross a word out, leave it. It’s a note, not an essay.

Send it or hand it over

If you’re mailing it, address the envelope with their name and address in the middle. Put your own address in the top left corner and the stamp in the top right. Then drop it in a mailbox or take it to the post office. A standard letter in the US needs a first-class stamp, and a Forever stamp works for it at any time.

If you’ll see them, put it in their bag, on their desk or in their hand. Some people like to give it and leave the room.

Make it a habit

You don’t have to wait for a special reason. Keep a few blank cards and a book of stamps in a drawer, so that when someone does something kind you can write the note while it’s still fresh. If one person isn’t enough for you, you can also send a friend a letter just to say hello, or write a note to everyone who came to your Friendsgiving afterwards.

Make it a fall evening

Light a candle, make a pot of tea and give yourself a quiet half hour. Write the first note, then another if you feel like it. There’s a good chance the person you write to will keep it for years, and be very glad to get it.